Barbara said she loved coming to our knitting group, because it got her out of her house and have a break from her son. She now tells me he has got worse since he has been laid off and sits around watching the tele, smoking and playing on his phone all day. She says he is in a bad mood all the time now and shouts at her if she asks him to help. Barbara always makes excuses for him as she knows it’s not easy being unemployed and living with his older Mum. She said she didn’t know where he gets the money from to smoke, but now admits that she does know, because he had stopped paying her board as he still has to child support for his kids.
He always tells Barbara she should be grateful he is living with her, because she would never see her grandkids otherwise. She does get to see her grandkids when it’s her son’s turn to have them, because they come to stay at her place. Barbara adores them, but it’s also very tiring, as they are full of energy, don’t sleep much, and she tries to entertain them to stop their Dad screaming at them too! Plus, her housekeeping money has to stretch beyond what she gets in her own ‘super’ for all the food they eat now that they are growing up.
I wasn’t sure how to say it, as I didn’t want to look like I was interfering, but I did point her to the poster from Age Concern about spotting the signs of ‘elder abuse’ at the library next to our knitting group rooms. At first, she turned away, but several weeks later when I said I would go with her, she agreed. When we learned that talking it through with Age Concern was free and confidential and it wasn’t the same as telling the police Barbara was prepared to say what was really happening at home. Barbara felt ashamed - I would have been embarrassed myself if it was my son swearing at me, making me pay for all his food, power and using me to babysit my grandkids. At least Barbara could talk about it with the elder abuse worker and together they could come up with plan to make things safer for her. In the end Barbara could get independent support from Age Concern to make the decisions she needed to make.
Te Takakino Kaumatua
Elder Abuse is a single or repeated act, or lack of appropriate action, occurring within any relationship where there is an expectation of trust, which causes harm or distress to an older person (WHO 2002).
How we can help
This is a sensitive topic so please be mindful as you proceed.
Our Elder Abuse Response Coordinators can provide information and individualised support to older people/kaumātua, their families/whānau and carers, to enable them to make decisions that maintain the safety of the older person.
We offer
- Free, confidential service
- Referral to appropriate agencies
- Seminars and presentations on elder abuse and neglect
- Assistance in working with individuals to improve their quality of life
- Information on all issues relating to Elder Abuse
If you are concerned about potential Elder Abuse, whether you are an older person yourself, a family member, friend, neighbour or professional, please contact our Elder Abuse Response Service for FREE and confidential advice.
Types of Abuse
Physical Abuse
Infliction of pain, injury or use of force. For example: hitting, pushing, rough handling, over-medication, and inappropriate use of restraints or confinement.
Psychological Abuse
Behaviour causing mental anguish, stress or fear. For example, ridicule or threats, harassment or humiliation, preventing choice or decision-making, and withholding affection.
Financial Abuse
Illegal or improper use of money, property or other assets. For example, unauthorised taking of money or possessions, misuse of power of attorney, failure to repay loans, use of home and/or utilities without contributing to costs, and scams that rely on establishing a relationship with the older person with the intention of exploiting their savings and/or assets, e.g. romance scams.
Sexual Abuse
Non-consensual sexual acts or exploitive behaviours. For example, inappropriate touching, or sexual acts with someone unable to give consent.
Institutional Abuse
A policy or accepted practice within an organisation that disregards a person’s rights or causes harm. For example, lack of respect for a person’s culture or customs, inappropriate rationing of continence products, inflexible routines e.g. breakfast at 8 am in the dining room.
Neglect
Not providing for physical, emotional or social needs. For example, inadequate food, clothing, shelter, lack of social contact, support, and health needs not attended to.
Warning signs
The following signs MAY indicate an older person is being abused:
- Confusion
- Withdrawal and/or edginess
- Fear of a particular person
- Recoiling from touch
- Unexplained injuries
- Drowsiness (due to over-medication)
- Unexplained behaviour, sleeping or eating habits
- Unusual withdrawals from bank accounts
- Unpaid bills, lack of money for necessities
How we can help
If you are concerned about Elder Abuse, whether you are an older person yourself, a family member, friend, neighbour or professional, please do not hesitate to contact our Elder Abuse Response Service for FREE and confidential advice.
He aroha whakato he aroha puta mai | If kindness is sown then kindness you shall receive
